The 3 Do's & Don'ts for Bridesmaids, Mother of the Bride/Groom and Everyone Involved
T-277 Days til the big day :)
I am extremely lucky that I have a few bridesmaids in my wedding party who went through the wedding process themselves. I had a few interesting conversations with these bridesmaids, who inspired me to blog about the Do's & Don'ts for Bridesmaids & everyone else involved in the wedding process. I have found their advice to be true during my own planning process.
So, if you are a bridesmaid, mother of the bride, mother of the groom, or someone involved in the wedding planning process, listen up. If you are not sure about the proper etiquette, your role and how to help, continue reading. I compiled this list based on real life brides and my own experience.
The Do's
1) DO offer to help whenever you can. This does not mean that every Saturday of your life, leading up to the wedding, will belong to the bride. It means, make time to work with the bride's schedule. The bride will be very touched that you WANT make time in your busy schedule for her special day.
2) DO be supportive. While planning a wedding, there are a lot of details. Brides spend hours researching & brainstorming amazing ideas/details that are unique to her. As a bridesmaid or mom, you are the bride's cheerleader. She tells you she wants to sky dive as she is getting married, tell her how awesome that is & you will be taking pictures from the bottom. Be her YES MAN. Anyone else who doesn't like her ideas, spare her feelings & do not tell her about it. Your job is to tell her how great she is doing & shield her from others who might not be of board with her vision.
3) DO be honest. Yes, it is possible to be the bride's Yes Man, and still be truthful. This doesn't mean that every time the bride comes up with an idea you don't like, you get to hunt her down and tell her how much you hate it. It means, if she asks for your opinion, you can tactfully provide that opinion. Example:
The Don'ts
1) DO NOT be Pessimistic. Weddings are supposed to be a celebration and generally a happy time. You don't want to be THAT person, putting a damper on the celebrations. I will give you an example:
Despite the number of expenses, it is poor etiquette to keep discussing how expensive the wedding is, and how much it is costing you. It starts to sound as if you are resentful towards the bride/groom, or your affection towards them is based on monetary investments, or simply money means more to you. Generally the parents of the bride/groom are more flexible with their finances. It is their child's wedding and one their happiest days of their lives as well. Although the parents might suck up the financial hit a bit more, it doesn't necessarily mean bridesmaids have to. Here are some alternate suggestions you can try:
I am extremely lucky that I have a few bridesmaids in my wedding party who went through the wedding process themselves. I had a few interesting conversations with these bridesmaids, who inspired me to blog about the Do's & Don'ts for Bridesmaids & everyone else involved in the wedding process. I have found their advice to be true during my own planning process.
So, if you are a bridesmaid, mother of the bride, mother of the groom, or someone involved in the wedding planning process, listen up. If you are not sure about the proper etiquette, your role and how to help, continue reading. I compiled this list based on real life brides and my own experience.
The Do's
1) DO offer to help whenever you can. This does not mean that every Saturday of your life, leading up to the wedding, will belong to the bride. It means, make time to work with the bride's schedule. The bride will be very touched that you WANT make time in your busy schedule for her special day.
2) DO be supportive. While planning a wedding, there are a lot of details. Brides spend hours researching & brainstorming amazing ideas/details that are unique to her. As a bridesmaid or mom, you are the bride's cheerleader. She tells you she wants to sky dive as she is getting married, tell her how awesome that is & you will be taking pictures from the bottom. Be her YES MAN. Anyone else who doesn't like her ideas, spare her feelings & do not tell her about it. Your job is to tell her how great she is doing & shield her from others who might not be of board with her vision.
3) DO be honest. Yes, it is possible to be the bride's Yes Man, and still be truthful. This doesn't mean that every time the bride comes up with an idea you don't like, you get to hunt her down and tell her how much you hate it. It means, if she asks for your opinion, you can tactfully provide that opinion. Example:
- Bride is trying on wedding dresses & asks for your opinion. Instead of saying, "you look ugly in that dress", you can say, "I liked the first dress better". Providing a positive with the negative can really soothe the blow. If she decides not to take your opinion, just move on!
The Don'ts
1) DO NOT be Pessimistic. Weddings are supposed to be a celebration and generally a happy time. You don't want to be THAT person, putting a damper on the celebrations. I will give you an example:
- Bride is talking about wedding plans with all relevant parties. PERSON A exclaims how much they love all the wedding planning so far. PERSON B says they could faint out of excitement. PERSON C is even more ecstatic. But PERSON D says, "Well, I just don't like the seating arrangements or the dresses, etc etc." DON'T BE PERSON D!! You immediately become a bottleneck in the wedding process. The bride will do as she pleases anyways. And will resent you for hating her wedding. Put your best foot forward for the bride and just think of how excited you want her to be if the tables were turned.
Despite the number of expenses, it is poor etiquette to keep discussing how expensive the wedding is, and how much it is costing you. It starts to sound as if you are resentful towards the bride/groom, or your affection towards them is based on monetary investments, or simply money means more to you. Generally the parents of the bride/groom are more flexible with their finances. It is their child's wedding and one their happiest days of their lives as well. Although the parents might suck up the financial hit a bit more, it doesn't necessarily mean bridesmaids have to. Here are some alternate suggestions you can try:
- Before committing to be a bridesmaid, find out what the bride has in mind for the wedding/dress/other celebrations/etc. If it seems to be out of your budget, politely tell the bride. If she is a good friend, she will understand. If you really want to be a bridesmaid, discuss your financial concerns with the bride, BEFORE YOU COMMIT. Maybe she will let you wear an old dress, and be involved in only the stuff you are able to.
- Choose to be an honorary bridesmaid. You can be involved in all the wedding related fun, help out when you can and not commit to the obligation of a dress, bridal shower, etc, etc.
- While it is poor etiquette to keep complaining about money regarding the wedding, it is completely proper to decline to go to a wedding. Especially if the wedding requires booking a hotel room or if it is a destination wedding. If you really cannot swing it, decline (politely).
3) DO NOT look or seem unenthusiastic. Even if you don't care about the ideas, or the venue, or the food, you care about the bride right? So be excited for her. Why not? It's a wedding. It's exciting. If you seem unhappy or keep phrasing negative questions/statements, she will catch on that you do not care about something that is so special to her. Bring your enthusiasm to match hers. She will remember your attitude fondly (or not so fondly) for years to come.
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